Memoir Writing Lesson from Fiction

Fiction can offer powerful insights for memoir writers. I just began reading a classic historical novel, Divine Average, first published in 1952 by Elith Hamilton Kirkland. Like many novels, it’s written in memoir format, in this case an end-of-life memoir. It’s set in 1838-1858 in “that period of Texas history when ‘cow boy’ was a phrase with a controversial meaning and ‘Texians’ a nationality.

The second paragraph stopped me in my tracks:

I feel compelled at this time by the Spirit of the Holy Mother and the force of God to leave an account of the things that have happened to me and mine. It all lies on my heart like a confession that must be made before I can die in peace . . . a confession not only for myself, but for my husband, Range Templeton, who despises me now after loving me for twenty years, for my daughter Laska, lost to us and to herself, a companion to outlaws in the wilds of Mexico, and for my son, Luke Templeton, so bold of mind and pure in heart.

I know right away that Luvisa Templeton, “a consumptive, soon to die,” is confessing all for peaceful death, which she’s looking forward to “as deliverance.” This compelling reason to write creates a compelling reason to read. What juicy secrets is she about to divulge? What better way to hook my attention?

She immediately goes on to explain her time frame – the twenty years of her marriage to Rage Templeton – and her frustration at never being able to understand him. That sounds like a rich topic.

She then explains that she’s not penning this tome herself. She’s dictating it all to Mr. Bryson, a “very close friend to every member of the Templeton family,” which relationship she’ll explain in due course. Bryson is literate, articulate, better able than she to find the right words for her thoughts and feelings. Bryson has promised to place the completed manuscript “in the proper hands with instructions that it be preserved until such time as it might seem fitting to give it out for reading, in a book perhaps.” She continues:

Is it too much to hope that in some future generation these events may stir the minds and warm the hearts of men and women destined to know more and see further than those of us here now? Perhaps I attach too much importance to the life I have lived and the lives of which my living has played a part. But I yield completely to the compulsion that I must leave such a documentation. 

Like Luvisa, many of us write because we’re compelled to do so. In heeding that compulsion, we’ll do well to follow her fictitious example on several counts:

• Be clear about why you are writing and
• Who you are writing for.
• Be clear about the frame for your story, in her case a twenty year marriage and
• The story focus or theme, in her case what happened to her and hers. 
• Have a strong, compelling opening. 
• Get the tension/conflict going right away, in her case her husband who loved her for twenty years despises her now. Why? How did her daughter come to be in Mexico with outlaws?
• Seek help when you need it. Luvisa used Mr. Bryson, a sort of ghost writer. You may choose to use an editor, beta readers, reading groups, friends, even family to help you on your way. 
• Have a strong, compelling opening. 
• Postpone distribution if you feel it unwise to disclose it all now. 

Points to Ponder: Do you have a story you’re compelled to tell? Can you identify the frame and focus? What help might you need to get it written? 

The Writer’s Path

Although 99% of my writing is stored electronically in several places, I have a  filing cabinet in my office, with drawers 24" deep. The back of of them is hard to access. That’s where my oldest stories are stored, the ones I wrote in 1979 on my old Smith Corona electric at the beginning of my journey along my Writer’s Path.

Every few years I pull those stories out and am reminded again how utterly pitiful they are. True, they were fiction. Sort of. I didn’t know about lifestory writing yet, and would not have been brave enough to write openly anyway. Although some content is touching, descriptions were flat as Kansas, dialogue stilted and contrived. They jumped around. And they were preachy. I had an agenda when I wrote those stories and it wasn’t hidden. They were a start.

Twenty-five years ago, I knew nothing of creative writing classes or writing groups, and never thought to look for books on how to write. I was shooting from the finger tips, buoyed by A’s on research papers.

I fared a bit better when I became contributing editor for a local women’s magazine, getting favorable remarks on my stories from casual acquaintances. When my first book, Meetings: Do’s, Don’ts and Donuts, was published in 1997, I was horrified by the first round of editing. That red ink looked like blood in a war zone.  Humiliation rapidly morphed into hope and excitement at the prospect of learning to be a serious writer. That experience was a cram course in writing.

Since then I’ve taken writing courses. I’ve read stacks and piles of books on how to write, spent hundreds of hours reading websites and listening to webinars and podcasts. But even more, I’ve written and written, and I’ve edited hundreds of stories for students. I have written for at least those 10,000 hours presumably required for mastery, though I don’t claim any titles as such. I’m great at description, but I still have much to learn. My path continues to go up and down, rising overall.

Looking back at those early stories, even at early blog posts, I can see that yes, I have learned, slowly at first, then more rapidly as I climbed along that path. I have grown as a writer, and I hope I continue to do so as long as my fingers move. I still can’t crank out a masterpiece on the first try. I edit my own work, sometimes going back months later when it feels like a stranger wrote it. And I continue to rely on feedback from others for points of view I would never, ever think of.

New writers, take heart. While it’s true that some people are born with a gift for eloquence, even they have a learning curve – they just learn faster. Some people are born with an eye for painting, others with the right legs for running. We each have a gift. But even those without “the gift” can learn to produce respectable results.

With practice.
With guidance.
With collaboration.

Take classes. Read, both how-to-write books and memoir or fiction. Join a writing group. Above all, keep writing. You’ll see results much sooner than I did, because it took me forever to find people to help me along the path. You don’t have to wait. Please join our growing community of life writers on the Life Writers Forum on YahooGroups. Sign up for the mailing list of the National Association of Memoir Writers and participate in the free monthly teleseminar roundtables. And keep writing! Climb that writer’s path, one story at a time.

Write now: write a story about your earliest memory if you’ve never written before. Pull out the oldest story you can find if you’ve been writing for awhile and look for ways to improve it. If you don’t see any, show it to a writing buddy and ask for feedback. If you still can’t find any, congratulations. You are ready for publication!

Everyone Wins With Memoir

Last weekend at a panel discussion on various forms of electronic publishing, someone in the audience mentioned that the number of publishers listed as accepting fiction submissions in the current edition of Writer’s Market has shrunk dramatically from previous years. “Only a handful are interested,” she lamented.

This could be a sign of the turmoil currently swirling through the traditional publishing industry. Perhaps more significant is the surging shift of public preference toward memoir. It’s tippy to compare the memoir craze to the glut of reality show programming on television, but both feature presumably real people with the emphasis on real. Few people seriously believe reality shows aren’t scripted, but catch a memoir writer playing fast and loose with the facts, and the blogosphere conflagrates. People want to believe memoir is true. They relate to it.

Maybe the memoir mania springs from a sense of isolation due as people turn increasingly often to Facebook and text messages rather than personal contact. Memoir offers a sense of genuine connection with the author. Reading a memoir can offer hope to those in similar situations and reassurance to those who may see their own lives in a more positive light by comparison. Light or humorous memoir is pure fun to read.

Memoir may both entertain and benefit readers, but it benefits the author even more. I’m currently reading Growing Old, by Swiss psychoanalyst Danielle Quinodoz. The book focuses on the enormous value elderly people derive from reviewing their memories and attaining an integrated overview of their lives, for better or worse. Her observation is that people who are able to view their lives in this meaningful way experience more joy in living, especially in their last years. They tend to approach aging more actively, retaining curiosity and involvement with life and the people around them, and they are more likely to die peacefully and serenely.

As I read, I’m struck by the thought that this benefit of living more joyfully and meaningfully is available at any age, and although her focus is totally on psychoanalysis, the integrated overview she describes fits memoir perfectly.

I’ve written a number of posts here and on Writing for the Health of It about the physical and emotional health benefits of writing. The “raw” writing modes of freewriting and journaling are beneficial for exploration of specific issues. “Processed” writing in the form of stories and essays serve well to focus memories of events, people and reactions. Memoir draws on both raw and processed components to provide an integrated overview of a specific time or aspect of life, lending greater meaning and depth.

Psychoanalysis can lead to profound transformation for those who can afford it. The rest of us can invest in paper, pens, and maybe a few guidebooks (The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing is a great place to begin if you’re starting cold, and The Power of Memoir is superb). Taking a class, locally or online can help you hone your skills. You can enhance your results by joining a writing group specializing in life writing – start one if you can’t find one already meeting. Join an online group like the free Life Writers Forum or the National Association of Memoir Writers. Or find a writing coach to work with. You can work with a coach for a long time for a fraction of the cost of psychoanalysis.

However you do it, whether you publish your memoir or not, you’ll gain enormous perspective and insight on your life. You’ll win even if nobody ever reads it. But the time has never been better to publish your story. The publishing industry has never been more approachable, and the self-publishing option is wide open.

However you go about it, both you and your readers win with memoir.

Write Now: sign up for the NAMW Fall Telesummit

Photo credit: Lissalou66

Expert Advice: The Pro’s and the Con’s

If you haven’t discovered the TED Lecture series, I suggest you waste no time exploring their phenomenal videos about leading edge ideas, presented in TED sponsored programs.  I’ve embedded one of my favorites for your viewing pleasure. Noreena Hertz is an expert speaking on the dangers of becoming addicted to the advice of experts.

Her words appealed to me on just about every level, perhaps because I was raised in a family of die-hard do-it-yourselfers who lacked the resources of Google to solve every problem. We didn’t even go to the library. We just figured things out and did them! That’s a hard mental habit to shake.

Over the years I’ve come to have a healthy respect for those who know more than I do about any given topic, and I’m eager to benefit from their experience. But I’ve learned the hard way to listen to those skeptical whispers.

Those lessons are part of my Story. But the real tie-in for this video in this blog is an inferred message for writers in any genre. We can and should study the work of others. We’ll benefit from reading books about the craft of writing and taking classes to get more guidance. We’ll benefit from participating in writing and critique groups, forums, and writing organizations. We may even benefit from hiring editors and coaches.

BUT, when all the books, classes, and feedback are finished, regardless of the source, we need to listen to that little voice within reminding us, “This is my story.  This is what I need to say, and this is how I need to say it.” When it comes to your life, your Truth, YOU are the expert!

Speaking of experts, I modestly proclaim that I’m developing more than average expertise on the topic of the health benefits of expressive writing. Earlier this week “Writing With Feeling Feels Good,” my first post of a monthly series on this topic, debuted on the Women’s Memoirs site. The content is relevant to anyone, so you fellows are warmly invited to click over and take a look too. Don’t be deterred by the name. Matilda and Kendra assure me everyone is welcome.

Write now: do some journaling or free writing and conduct a written dialogue with your Inner Critic. Explore the whispers you hear urging you to defer to expert opinion. You may want to make this a round table and include your Inner Cheerleader to remind you of your own wisdom, power, voice and skill. Write about following the experts in your writing life and life in general. You may want to expand some “expert stories” into story form to share with others.

Back at Keyboard

My extended break from this blog lasted longer than anticipated, but I'm back at the keyboard. I am working on the new WordPress version, but that’s turning into a more complex project that I’d envisioned. I like WordPress so much that I want to use it for my whole website, and I have not yet discovered how to set everything up “behind a curtain” and then flip a switch to swap the old for the new.

Meanwhile, dozens of juicy blog topics have come and gone... so we’ll continue here for now and I’ll make the switch very soon.

This experience of working on the WordPress installation, with the alteration between intense focus and interruptions, and need to loop out for more research, is a sort of metaphor for amy writing project — maybe for life in general. I’m thinking back to the year I spent writing my master’s thesis. I chose a complex topic: Perceived Risk of Nuclear Power. That’s an odd topic for someone seeking  a degree in counseling psychology, but we all knew by then that I was not going to pursue a career as a therapist. My off-beat combination of two hot topics was a good one. It eventually garnered me the newly minted Distinguished Thesis Award, much to the glee of the department and my advisors.

I was a returning student with three young children and other time-consuming commitments. I lived 100 miles from campus and took classes in my local community. Life often intervened to keep me away from my research and writing for weeks at a time. Each time I went back to my desk, it took me considerable time to review past work and “get back in the groove.” How I wished I could simply sit down and bang it out., without interruption.

Today the same situation arises with the transition to WordPress and also with my Los Alamos Girlhood memoir. Life keeps intervening. Perhaps the one thing that ensures I keep tapping away on the memoir is my reliance on a blog about that project.  I have a growing list of followers now, and don’t want to embarrass myself by going too long between posts. That means I have to write something, reflect on what I’ve written, and blog about that.

You can find any number of ways to maintain or manage momentum on a writing project. Partly it depends on your personal writing style, a topic I discuss in detail in The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing. Probably the most powerful and effective is to use other people as accountability props, and writing groups and classes are especially helpful. 

One writing group you can participate in without leaving home is the Life Writers Forum YahooGroup. You can use this lively group to report in about projects and get group input to resolve snags or anything related to life writing. It's a rich source of new ideas. Join the group by entering your e-mail address in the form in the left sidebar or click over to the group homepage. You'll get the most out of the group if you participate in the discussions, but lurkers are also welcome.

Write now: write a journal entry on your writing style and how to keep your project flowing.

Working Together to Strengthen Writing Skills

What’s better than sitting in your favorite chair rereading one of your own stories? Sitting in a reading group, reading that story to an appreciative audience!

You’ve probably heard that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. If the option had been on the list, I have no doubt that “Reading my own work to a group” would surely be #2, and it might even be #1, because nearly everyone writes their own speech before delivering it.

Toastmasters was officially founded in 1924 by Ralph Smedley to help men improve their ability to effectively speak to groups. The seeds he planted have grown like kudzu, spreading around the world. More than 4,000,000 people, both men and women, have benefited from Toastmasters training, myself included. I recommend it to any writer, even if you never speak to groups. Membership fees are affordable, and the training in organizing your thoughts will help you think and write more clearly!

The key to the success of Toastmaster clubs is the use of peer evaluation. There are no teachers or professionals in Toastmasters, though some clubs have teachers or professional speakers among the members. Although thereare no classes outside club meetings, annual conferences at the area, regional and national levels offer workshops and presentations on honing specific skills. Members take turns evaluating each others speeches, highlighting things they did well as well as one or two points for improvement. Serving in the evaluator role helps members become more discerning listeners, enabling them to learn from the experience of others as well as their own.

Quite sadly, there is no well-oiled national organization available to give writers the same benefit, but that doesn’t mean you can’t experience it. Find or form a writers group in your local area. Find one that emphasizes the positive aspects of a piece as well as giving pointers for improving it. Participate with gusto, always bring a story, ready to read. Remember that the input you receive from others is only their opinion, and that you are free to take their advice or leave it. If you can't find such a group, start one.

Although nothing can beat the pleasure and value of reading your work aloud to a live group, online groups are also valuable. In an online group, you can submit your work and receive written feedback from a number of people, often strangers, Again, look for a supportive group that appreciates your strengths as well as tenderly helping improve your skills. 

Write now: a story about an experience speaking in public. Include plenty of sensory detail, like self-talk, wobbly knees, shaky voice, damp palms. Describe the way your notes shook in your hands. Let readers know how your tummy felt. Then think about reading this story in public, and join the Life Writers Critique Group to shore up your skills.

How Herm Started Writing Lifestories

Today’s post features a guest writer, Herchel “Herm” Newman. I’ve known Herm for many years now, primarily through his writing and YahooGroups postings, though we do e-mail offline now and then. We met on the Lifestory Writing Yahoo Group, perhaps seven or eight years ago. Over the years he’s posted around one hundred stories, and each one has been tantalizing, full of rich love and Truth. A few years ago one of his stories was selected for inclusion in Chicken Soup for the African American Soul.

Currently Herm is also a member of the Life Writer’s Forum YahooGroup which I co-host with Jerry Waxler, author of the Memory Writer’s Network blog. Last week a thread of discussion prompted Jerry to request that Herm share some of the resources and strategies that helped him get started writing life stories. Herm’s reply is so rich and helpful that with his permission, I share it with you:

One of the first things I did was search the internet for people who were already doing what I wanted to do. My search led me to the "Lifestory Writing Group" which was a good entry point. That's where I met Sharon and others who fed into my quest to write something in a meaningful way.

I also began to read. I like the way Max Lucado writes. I read some of James Patterson and Howard Fast. Reading makes for better writing. I subscribed to "Writer's Digest" which in between all the ads has some great information.

I shared my stories and left my pride in my back pocket. Constructive criticism is free education. Because I truly wanted to do something that not only I, but all my family could be proud of, I dared to just do it. To write one must write; right?

I also began to watch with a critical eye the TV shows, "The Waltons", "Little House" and others to see how they crafted a story. I listen to different preachers to see how they make a point and address a crowd. I observe people and engage them with questions to see what stories they might tell about their passion in life.

People are telling stories everywhere and when I meditate I look to see what pops up and ask myself, 'Why was that memorable?' I don't want to write like anyone else, but I can learn from others and incorporate that into my own style.

Draw a picture with words and give it a voice, some texture and even a fragrance. I keep chasing that.

Herm

I thank Herm for his words of wisdom and hope you also find them inspiring.

You can read several of Herm’s stories on The Elder Storytelling Place, and his story, “Back in the Days of Black and White”, is featured in my free eBook How to Make Your Pages Picture Perfect. You can find the link to download that eBook on the Resources tab of my main website.

Write now: take action on Herm’s suggestion to “draw a picture with words and give it a voice, some texture and even a fragrance.” And, enter your e-mail address in the box in the left sidebar on this page to join the fun and inspiration and get your questions answered in the Life Writer’s Forum writing community.

November is National Life Writing Month

Yesterday in what I just discovered was an ironic twist, I learned that November is National Life Writing Month. I learned about it when Linda Joy Myers mentioned the occasion while introducing Denis Ledoux, author of Turning Memories into Memoir, as her guest on the National Association of Memoir Writers monthly teleseminar. “As you know,” she said, “November is National Lifewriting Month.” Without elaborating, he confirmed that he knew. Then he went on to enchant us with a sticky web of thoughts about finding the myths in our lives and stories.

This morning I discovered the irony. Denis Ledoux is the originator of National Life Writing Month, but I did not discover this from him. I learned of it when Google led me to a page on Angie Pedersen’s Scrap Your Stories site. She tells how he has been helping both new and experienced memoirists find and express their stories since 1988, and includes a list of Denis’s tips for writing lifestories, and a link to his resource page.

Linda Austin also mentions National Life Writing Month in Cherry Blossom Memories, along with a review and link to Marlys Styne’s blog, Write Your Life, and her helpful book, Senior Writing: A Brief Guide for Seniors Who Want to Write.

Elizabeth Scott includes mention of the therapeutic value of writing to relieve stress in her About.com Stress Management blog.

Since I tuned in late (better late than never, and just wait until next year!) I’m glad National Life Writing Month lasts a month rather than just being a week, and I'm glad it was Denis who launched this month-long observance. His book was one of the first I read ten years ago when I was diving headfirst into this fascinating journey which lent such depth and color to my experience of life in general, and the efforts of Denis and his corps of affiliated teachers have surely had much to do with the explosion of interest in life writing, whether it takes the form of homespun stories, journaling, or literary memoir. I would have begun in any event. Denis's book made it easier and eventually inspired my own.

And, I’m reminded once again of the power of connection and how we learn from and support each other. I feel richly blessed to live in this age of instant communication with its global support web and community. I’m filled with a sense of awe and wonder, and see an image of the circus, with a huge net under the trapeze. That net takes the fear out of flying high! I’m tempted to drop down into it for the sheer joy of bouncing around.

Write now: pick a story from your story idea list and get those fingers moving, and extend your support web by joining the stimulating discussions of various aspects of life writing on the Life Writers’ Forum on YahooGroups and the National Association of Memoir Writers.

What Keeps You From Writing?

It seems like ages since I’ve written a blog post. Life has intervened with a great big virtual brick wall. I’ve been busy writing workshop proposals, workshop handouts, urgent e-mails, Life Writers Forum postings, Morning Pages — everything but a blog post.

Other things have also gotten in the way. I urgently needed to clean my desk off and that led to rearranging my office, trashing some files, that sort of thing. Plus, there’s yard work to be done, preparation for a visit from a grandson, you know how all that goes.

You may think it odd that I let other writing get in the way of writing for my blog. Yes, that does seem strange. But it would be no different for someone who wrote reports at work all day to have trouble getting around to writing a lifestory in the evening.

So, what does a person do when it’s been longer than intended between writing sessions? I could wallow in guilt, but (correct me if I'm wrong) I don't believe I have any readers who feel cheated or resentful if I take a couple of extra days off. I do have a personal commitment to maintaining this blog for some time to come, but I’m flexible enough to realize that sometimes a break allows me to return refreshed, and that sometimes life intervenes.

So, what I do is simply sit down and start moving my fingers again. Let the words flow and a blog will take shape, as it’s doing now. If you have been away from your writing, don’t waste time feeling guilty, berating yourself, or moaning. Pick up that pen or get those fingers on the keyboard! Do some free writing to get the pump primed, check your story idea list for a starting point, and get those fingers moving. Words and stories will happen.

What I’m referring to here is not writer’s block, though writer’s block may be a cause. I’m referring to loss of momentum. If it’s that simple, then simply starting to write again will probably be enough to get you back up to speed. If not, check this list of posts about writer’s block, or take a look at these five exercises.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by a stressful schedule that leaves no room for indulging passions like writing, perhaps you need to find ten minutes a day, perhaps in the bathroom, on the bus to work, or some other “sandwich time” and journal some thoughts about your lifestyle and priorities. The thing you are avoiding may be the very thing that can help fit the pieces of your life puzzle together.

Write now: about an experience you have had with blocks to writing and how you overcame them. Or write about the blocks that are keeping you from writing and explore ways of working around them. You are bound to find this experience enlightening and rewarding.

Calling All Life Writers

There is good news for anyone who would like to hang out with other people who write life stories, memoir, journals, personal essays, or other forms of recording their lives in writing. Whatever your reason for writing about your life, the newly formed Life Writers Forum is a great place to ask questions, share thoughts, post short stories or excerpts from longer works, and generally shoot the breeze about writing.

I am hosting this new YahooGroup together with Jerry Waxler, author of the Memory Writers Network blog. Jerry and I have started Life Writers Forum because there is no similar gathering place in Cyberspace for those who are involved with life writing. With people getting busier than ever and energy costs soaring, the time is right for joining something you can squeeze into your already tight schedules any time you have a few minutes. You don't have to drive to any meetings, and best of all, there are no membership fees.

Whether you are still wondering about the difference between autobiography and memoir or have several memoirs published, this is the place for you. Everyone knows that beginners benefit from the advice of seasoned mentors, but it isn't so well known that newbies' ideas can help veterans keep our writing fresh and our minds open.

We hope you'll join us to generate lots of lively discussion about various aspects of writing. Below are examples of topics we love:

• Writers block busters
  
• How to add punch to stories
• Sorting memories and them together
• How to handle touchy topics—without getting sued!
  
• Posting short pieces for feedback
  
• Markets for stories
• Working with agents and publishers
• Self-publishing vs. commercial
• Overcoming writers block
• Reviews and recommendations of published memoirs and books on writing
• Classes, workshops and retreats for life writers

These are only suggestions to get you thinking. Hopefully you'll add lots more to the mix. One of the great things about virtual groups is the diversity of view points they generate, and the support they can offer.

There are two ways to join. You can go to the homepage for the group and join from there, or send a blank e-mail to lifewritersforum-subscribe@yahoogroups.com (no human eyes will see this, so don't waste your time composing a message). Although you can join by e-mail without one, if you already have a Yahoo ID (as in Yahoo e-mail address), you can read previous messages in the message archives on the group website. If you don't have one, it's worth setting one up. You can use any name you want (as long as nobody else is using it), so make it fun if you wish.