When Writing Does NOT Make You Feel Better

Write about a painful memory for twenty minutes a day for three days, and your stress levels will go down, your health will improve, and you’ll live happily ever after!

Myth or magic? Well, okay, the living happily ever after part is definitely myth, but the rest? Today, for me, it all feels like a myth. But how can it be? I’ve been a True Believer and a perpetrator of this advice for years. If you look at the menu bar below my header, you’ll see a link to an archived blog titled Writing for the Health of It. Hundreds studies have been done around the world validating successful outcomes for even short bouts of expressive writing. That is NOT a myth!

However, I just ran into a personal brick wall. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve spent at least twenty hours fine-tuning and polishing a story about how a nurse practitioner in a local hospital blew off my reports of pain and gave me a meaningless, fluff diagnosis. Had he asked even two probing questions instead of jumping to conclusions, surely he would have caught my predictable, textbook case of pericarditis hours after pacemaker surgery.

While I cannot prove anything beyond the words he wrote in the record I accessed through my online portal, I am 100% certain that if I’d known what I actually had, I would have avoided landing back in the hospital four months later with what became life-threatening complications. I might have had recurrences, but they could have been simply handled without more than $300,000 in medical costs and two months of non-productive time.

My anger knew no bounds when I finally felt well enough to start digging around in my records to make sense of it all and found his words there in black and white. I have filed a formal complaint that’s now under review by The Compliance Process Committee. It’s too late to change my outcome, but I hope to avoid future mishaps like mine for others.

I had also hoped to find personal peace and resolution through writing. That has not happened.

I am angrier today than I was before I
began writing. So what do we do when writing apparently fails to help?

I have a hunch that I expected too much too soon. The writing to heal research is full of admonitions about not writing too soon. We do need to let things mellow. I thought I’d done that, but now I see otherwise. My fingers began to fly the minute I read that report! I still want revenge! And that is never a good place to write from, at least for the public.

Also, my anger was amplified last week when, three days after my discovery, my husband had a completely different life-threatening experience in the same hospital. And my daughter is facing brain surgery three weeks from today (in a different hospital, thank heavens!). 

Yes, my score on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale is currently near the top. It’s too soon for me to be writing polished accounts and expecting closure. I needed the polished account for the review process, but aside from that, I should stick to journal entries and/or 20-minute writing sessions for three days and breathing deeply. And not reading world news reports! I shall sit with my anger and fully experience it. I’ll let insights like the one about wanting revenge surface. What else will I learn?

Have faith in the process and don’t stress if it takes more than three days. And stay tuned. I’m contacting others who have survived writing trauma-based memoirs. I shall share their wisdom with you as it accrues.

And please, if you have thoughts or experiences to share, post a comment, or email me at ritergal (at) gmail (dot) com.

Write Away Election Stress

As much as we’d like to forget it all, it’s hard. Who can forget the finger pointing, the name calling, the conversations you tried not to have before November 8? We hoped it would end the next day, but we knew, most of us knew anyway, that it wouldn’t.

Here we are now, stressed, burned out and perhaps more divided than ever. Half the country is rejoicing that they managed to Trump the so-called self-righteous, socialistic feminists represented by That Woman. “Change is finally possible,” they crow. “We can get back to true values, to democracy as it was intended to be.” And on it goes.

On the flip side are those who were Hillary’s True Believers as well as many who may not have preferred That Woman, but they claim a trained seal would be better than that devious, inexperienced, misogynistic bully. The sudden triumph of Trump seemed unimaginable and that half of the country is in deep mourning, highly traumatized.

“How can they believe all that stuff?”

“How can they just throw out all the progress we’ve made?”

And on it goes.

We’ll see how things unfold in the future, but for the present, our collective national life stress index is off the map.

The medical community has been warning us about the negative health effects of stress for over fifty years. We know it leads to cardiovascular problems, lowered immunity, depression, and a host of other ills. So what's a person to do? Lists of stress management techniques abound. A search for "stress management" turned up 16 million links. WebMD has two pages of tips, and many more of links and articles.

Fortunately, one of the simplest ways to offset the stressful effects of trauma is to pick up pen and paper and write about your thoughts, feelings, fears and perceptions. Original research showed that writing for as little as twenty minutes about troubling topics may boost your immune system and lead to numerous health benefits reversing the ravages of stress. Research has repeatedly shown enhanced cardio-vascular function, lower blood pressure, reduced asthma and arthritis symptoms, decreased need for pain medication in many instances, and more. Emotional health benefits such as relief from depression, better sleep, and enhanced sense of well-being are also common.

More recent studies have shown measurable results from writing for five or ten minutes a day, or even writing once for a few minutes. It’s undeniably clear that expressive writing is good for your health! Expressive writing is not a panacea intended to replace medical care, but it often serves as an effective adjunct, enhancing effects of any treatment you may undergo. It's affordable for anyone, and can be done anywhere.

In our current situation, you can make it even more effective by expanding your writing to include attempts to understand the perspective of those on the other side of the electoral divide. Think and write as deeply about their fears, hopes and concerns as you do your own. You may find you have more in common than you imagined. You may discover deeper compassion for others as well as your self and begin to rebuild community that may have suffered over the last several months.

Please leave a comment about ways you are using writing to recover from election stress, along with any other tips you may have.

I’m in Love with Volya Rinpoche

I never expected to fall in love with Volya Rinpoche, a bald, squarely-built Russian quasi-Buddhist monk who dresses in gold-trimmed maroon robes and sandals, has skin the color of acorns, and is a world-renowned spiritual leader and author. Neither did Otto Ringling, the narrator of Breakfast with Buddha, Lunch with Buddha and Dinner with Buddha, a trilogy of mind-bending, possibly life-changing novels by Roland Merulo . But who could resist that heart-melting smile, that endless compassion and infectious laugh? His naïve observations and whiplash fast “wessons?”

But wait. Nothing kinky here.As the story begins, Otto’s whacko, forever hippie sister tricks him into taking a road trip alone with this monk, her latest love interest. As miles and days pass, their relationship grows and Otto decides the Rimpoche is “the real deal.” Between volumes, monk marries sister, plots thicken, and Otto evolves. The novels are poignant in places, hilarious in others, always thought-provoking, and sublimely well-written. Otto’s acute observations on history, geography, philosophy and food are meticulously detailed.

I’ve always encouraged students of lifestory or memoir writing to read widely, to read like a writer, to find authors whose style they admire and immerse themselves in their work. Roland Merullo is my new hero behind the page. These digital volumes are full of pink highlights for exquisite description and gold ones for powerful points.

Although these volumes are clearly fiction, drawn from Merullo’s fertile imagination, they read like memoir. They are among those remarkable titles I occasionally find that convey Truth in concentrated form, more potent than most actual life experience could support. I consider them a prime example of the power of the fiction alternative.

The Buddha books came into my life at the perfect time (who believes in coincidence?). Over the last few months our nearly completed move from Pittsburgh to Austin has become unexpectedly complex and stressful, full of fretting and fear and second-guessing. I was convinced I had neither time nor the concentration to read. In spite of these self-imposed barriers, a book with a Buddha title slipped through the cracks.

I didn’t have time to not read these books. They reminded me of wisdom I’ve accrued over at least forty years, much of which I’ve ignored for the last many. They reminded me that I’ve largely fallen away from soul-enriching practice. They reminded me we can choose our reactions, our thoughts. Along the way, they altered and added perspective. I feel better now, stronger, and ready to forge ahead! Thank you Roland Merullo!

This is not the first time books have restored or enriched my soul and nudged me around corners. Should I include any of these time periods in a memoir, for example this move, it could not be complete without mention of these three books and their influence. I could take things further. Pat Conroy, perhaps best known for his novel, The Great Santini, wrote My Reading Life, a themed memoir devoted to books that have molded and shaped him.

What better time to snuggle down and read than these days of early darkness, of golden leaves and frosty mornings? Find an author you love and read ‘til your eyeballs cave in. Make highlights in ebooks. Put sticky tags in print ones. Collect heart-stopping phrases and notable elements of structure.

Write on: start a list of books that have affected your life and thinking. Write about these in your journal and develop your thoughts into an essay. Add a few of your favorite titles to a comment, as a tribute to the author and a beacon to fellow writers.

Seven Tips for Relaxing into the Story

We all know the feeling: sitting at the computer, arm wrestling words, hammering away at drafts that aren’t working, feeling stuck, threatening to throw our computers off the nearest bridge.

This is the stuff of WRITER’S BLOCK.

Two metaphors come to mind when I think of writer’s block. One is the legend of Michelangelo, chipping away at a block of marble, removing all the marble that isn’t part of the image he perceives to be hiding within the larger block.

The other is of pregnancy. Stories are initially conceived within the womb of memory and mind. The initial draft of a story is akin to a newborn babe, requiring lots of tending and shaping before the child emerges as a self-sufficient individual.

Here’s some good news. While as with chipping away marble or birthing a child, a certain amount of energy and toil is required, you can keep it to a minimum. How?

RELAX INTO THE STORY.

You may have heard of the concept of writing in a state of flow, where your creative powers are at peak potential. Relaxing into the story is one way to achieve a flow state. The decision is yours, and with practice, it gets easier. Use the following tips to thaw the line when your creative flow freezes up.

Take a relaxation break. It doesn’t have to be long. Get up and stretch. Move around the room, or better yet, go for a walk. Take several slow, deep breaths, focusing and your breathing and feeling your body relax as you release them. Relaxing your body and distracting your mind, even for a few minutes, can loosen the flow of new ideas.

Take a shower. Dozens of writers confirm that the flow of warm water over bare skin turns on a fire hose of creative insights and solutions.

Switch writing modes. Take a section that baffles you and draft three or more questions about it, for example

• What am I trying to say here?
• What really matters in this section?
• Why am I feeling so stuck about this?

Write the question at the top of a sheet of blank paper or journal page, and write the first thing that comes to mind. You may be surprised at the answers that pour out of your fingers.

Switch to free writing about your draft. Before you begin, take five or ten minutes to sit quietly with a simple meditation exercise of your choice to clear your mind. If you don’t have a favorite, try focusing on your breathing. Then start writing with your story in mind but no agenda and see where the story goes.

Take Anne Lamott’s advice and “write a shitty first draft.” This is a great way to start, because you’ll know it can only get better.

Play with the story. Revert to childhood and play “Pretend I’m a writer.” Since you are “only pretending”, you aren’t accountable for results, so you can really let ‘er rip. Write wild and crazy, even if your story is real, and even if it’s as serious as a funeral. You may end up tossing it all out, but more likely, you’ll find most of the material is good. You may toss of a great fiction story as a by-product.

Put your feet up. Take a tip from the picture above. If you don’t have a laptop to work on with your feet up, try writing by hand on a clipboard.

You may have observed from the tips above that relaxation is a key component in each. If stressing isn’t working for you, just quit stressing. If you can’t quit stressing, maybe you need to quit writing for the moment. When you feel more relaxed, have another go at it.

Write now: find a draft you’ve abandoned because you got stuck. Pull it out and use the tips above to get it out of the mud pit. Or start a new story about a challenging topic and use the tips to get it rolling.

Love Letters — Good for Both Heart and Soul

Cupid has got to be behind this synchronistic web discovery. Just hours before St. Valentine’s Day I found a link to a PsyBlog post explaining that Affectionate Writing Can Reduce Cholesterol.

Previous posts here have explained how writing about trauma is good for your health, and also that writing about happy stuff is good for you. But love letters and affectionate notes had not made the list, and I have not previously seen reduced cholesterol linked with any form of expressive writing. This is great news!

Based on the simple report on PsyBlog, this study appears to be among the hundreds of variations on the Pennebaker research model that has people write for about twenty minutes on three to five occasions:

According to new research, writing down affectionate thoughts about close friends and family can reduce your cholesterol levels. Floyd et al. (2007) randomly assigned participants to one of two groups: one experimental and one control. The experimental group wrote with affection about one person in their lives for 20 minutes on three occasions over a five-week period. The control group wrote mundane descriptions of their activities over the week, jobs they had done and places they had lived.

(read full article)

Note that the experiment involved writing three times. I’m inclined to think that writing to more people, more often could amplify the results and have the same stress-reducing effect as keeping a Gratitude Journal. This could be worth turning into a habit or way of life!

Write now: pen a loving note to a special person in your life. For best results repeat often, at least once a week. You may get even stronger results by using pen and paper rather than sending an e-mail!

Picture: Sharon Lippincott © 2011

Sweet Release

Few things have compared to the astonished delight I felt when I opened the front door to an unexpected ring. A man stood on my front porch clutching a  a Happy 40th Birthday Mylar balloon in the midst of several colorful plain ones. After he determined I was indeed Sharon Lippincott, he confidently stepped into the living room and began singing the Happy Birthday song. Then he handed me the bouquet, bowed, and left. What a sweet surprise! Though the attached card had two names, I knew my sister-in-law had outdone herself, and my gratitude lives on.

The standard balloons were dead within a day or two, but that Mylar one seemed destined to live forever. At first I felt a warm glow every time I saw it. But sentimentality didn’t last much longer than the standard balloons. Soon the glamor of that birthday faded. I’d had such hopes that turning forty would magically bring new levels of respect and success, and it didn’t take long to realize that nothing had changed, nor would it, at least not by the simple passing of days. I plunged into an abyss of despair.

I’d allowed that Mylar balloon free range, and it drifted silently, following air currents from room to room. Soon it took on the aspect of a spirit, suddenly appearing in the corner of my eye. This was disconcerting, and the balloon became the focus of my angst. 

About three weeks after my birthday, I had come to hate that balloon and all it stood for. Then I made a sudden decision. I took the filmy plastic out the door through which it had arrived. I stepped into the middle of the yard, whispered a simple apology to the environment, and … turned it loose! I stood for two or three minutes watching it rise into the warm spring sunshine until it grew too small to see. When I turned to go back into the house, I realized that all my disappointments and darkness had soared away with it. I felt free and happy again.

I’ve never been tempted to buy other balloons to recreate that sense of release. Aside from the litter effect, buying my own would lack the magic of that symbolic surprise. But I have done something else just as effective: I’ve written out all my frustrations and anger and sent them up in flames. Sometimes simply journaling helps. Or writing a story about it. 

Try it. You’ll like it! 

Write now: dredge up some stressful thoughts. Unless you just happen to have a magic balloon floating around, write about those thoughts, using scrap paper. When you have it all out, shred the paper, or tear it to bits. Put it in the fireplace or somewhere safe and burn it. Feel your stress go up in flames along with your words.

Writing Makes You Feel Better

Neuroscience is now validating what journal writers have known for ages: writing makes you feel better.

Brain researcher Matthew Lieberman does cutting-edge research in the UCLA Social-Cognitive Neurosciences lab, and although his primary focus is on language in thinking, much of it has fascinating implications about the possibility of using various forms of writing to reframe the way we view the world. Here’s a thumbnail summary of his overall findings:

When our brain is running on auto-pilot, the amygdala and basal ganglia (X system, for refleXive) sort input with lightning speed to produce reflexive responses to known stimuli. When something new pops up, the amygdala stalls out and a cluster of the anterior cintulate cortex, prefrontal cortex and medial temporal lobe (C system for refleCtive) kick in to reflect on the situation and select a contextually appropriate response.

The X and C systems are hard-wired with an “either-or” switch. They can’t both run at the same time. So when we are in a constantly changing environment, the C system stays on most of the time. Recent research has shown that using language activates the C system, even when the X system is on track. Behavioral responses (overt displays of biochemical surge-induced emotions such as  facial expression and language) are moderated when they stream through the C system.

These results suggest that writing about memories establishes new cause-and-effect relationships and reprograms the amygdala, eventually creating new response patterns and reducing stress. James Pennebaker’s seminal research and the myriad follow-on projects clearly demonstrate that writing about traumatic memories defuses them, but doesn't tell how that works

Lieberman joined the crowd replicating Pennebaker’s research with the addition of brain scans and explains the results. "Writing seems to help the brain regulate emotion unintentionally. Whether it's writing things down in a diary, writing bad poetry, or making up song lyrics that should never be played on the radio, it seems to help people emotionally," Dr Lieberman said.

Write now: pull out your journal or blank paper and write about something distressing or puzzling. Write about it three or four times on different days until it begins to make sense in a new light. Dr. Pennebaker's guidelines are here if you want further guidance.

Life Lessons from Life Writing

Punji Pensive, by Indi Samarajiva

Jamie’s sick, so I’ll have to fix a casserole to take over.

This is such a simple and typical thought — the type that generally passes unnoticed, or at least unquestioned. Lately I’ve begun to notice these thoughts and question them. Increasingly often as such thoughts begin to form, I pause and rethink the situation.

Is that true? Do I have to (fix a casserole, do the laundry, write a blog post) now?

Generally, the answer is No. I don’t absolutely have to do that. But I want to. Usually I’ll simply go ahead and do whatever it is, but because I stopped to think about it, I realize I do have a choice, and I do the task with more awareness and presence. Any hint of resentment fades. My life has gradually become more peaceful, more joyful, and less stressful as a result. For that I am enormously grateful.

What does this have to do with life writing? I’m convinced this powerful thought-habit sprang from journaling. This isn’t anyone’s fancy system. I’m a self-taught journal writer,  just “doing what comes naturally.” What comes naturally is to ask myself questions when I feel out of sorts or whiny about something.

“Is that true?” is my favorite one. “Are things really that bad?” “Is that so?” I write an appropriate question in third person, as if to someone else. Then I answer it. Sometimes I write two or three questions before I feel finished. It’s amazing what I’ve discovered. This technique works equally well for current things I’m whining about today, and things I’m still whining about fifty years later.

Once I got in the habit of using this technique in my journal, it began to seep out into my thoughts at other times, and you’ve read about the results. If I weren’t already convinced of the value of life writing in all forms, the results of this inadvertent experiment would prove it to me. Try it. You’ll like it!

Write now: promise yourself to spend ten minutes each day for the next ... week (or more — just keep it believable) writing about whatever is irritating you or causing you stress at the moment. You’re likely to get your best results with smaller things first while you build mental muscle. Whine your heart out on the page. Then write “Is that really true?” Think carefully, and write your answer without preconceived notions. Maybe it really is true! If it is, write “How else can you handle this?” or “What are your options?” Don’t wear yourself out. You don’t need to solve all the world’s problems. You are simply training yourself to think differently. To question your “have to” statements. I promise that if you stick with it, you are going to see some dramatic results in your thinking. You may not change your behavior, but you’re going to feel a lot happier about what you’re doing.

The Sweet, Sweet Taste of Victory

It’s time to celebrate a new arrival. For weeks I’ve been working on building a website. These weeks follow a few months of avoidance, procrastination, and other forms of writer's block. Initially I thought I knew enough HTML and CSS (if you need to ask, you don’t want to know) to pull one together in a reasonably short period of time, say a couple of days.

Suffice it to say that as I began the journey through my out-dated web editing program, into some open-source freebies, and out the other end into a bare-bones text-editor with absolutely no frills, and concurrently through dozens of pages of on-line tutorials, CSS reference pages, and an actual printed-on-paper book of HTML instruction, I was certain I saw a white rabbit running before me. I lost sleep over links that wouldn’t work, bum style codes, and a host of other problems.

As recently as last night, I was ready to throw an ax through my computer tower. “I don’t need this grief! The world doesn’t need this page!” I wailed. In spite of my determination to remain calm and patient, the stress level soared.

Fortunately, a good night’s sleep worked wonders. Today I managed to get the errant codes calmed down, get the files moved from my hard drive onto the website that has been sitting empty for a couple of months, and you are invited to the unveiling of a major milestone in my recent life:

www.sharonlippincott.com

You’ll notice that the site name is The Heart and Craft of Life Writing. You may wonder where the story went. I went visionary and purposely left the S word out. As is the case with many types of projects, when you walk a few miles down the road, you round a bend or two and see new vistas. I see now that life writing is a more inclusive term than life story writing.

Life writing is any form of writing that springs from real experience, your own or others. It encompasses forms of writing that technically are not stories. For example, writing private pieces for healing, not sharing. Family histories are life writing. Personal essays are life writing, though technically, they are not stories. Life writing can even include fictionalized accounts drawn from your own experience or that of family members.

The Heart and Craft of Life Writing is built on a broad foundation to last for many years. I intend it to be a resource-rich site, where you can easily find links to helpful references, read stories and articles. I plan to have articles from a number of writers. I get enough writing practice with this blog! As time goes on, there should be some podcasts too.

Whether you’ve knitted an afghan, run a marathon, given birth, or finished a manuscript or website, the taste of victory is sweet. It makes the pain seem worthwhile when you've managed to overcome all the obstacles mankind, the universe and your own mind place in your path.

Write on,

Sharon Lippincott, aka Ritergal

Countdown: Three more days until the official release of The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing. But you don’t need to wait. Amazon has already begun shipping copies.

Take Care of Your Heart First

To my own amazement, I just noticed that the first anniversary of this blog flew by unnoticed by Yours Truly a week ago today. In 53 weeks, I've produced 117 posts. When you consider that for various reasons, there were six weeks when I didn't post at all, that's an average of about two-and-a-half per week, which is right on target for the two-to-three per week I aimed for.

If you've been following the blog for awhile, you may have noticed gaps. There was a gap of nearly a month last summer while I was on vacation. A more recent gap and general slow down has been due to the event generating “The story that must not be written.” The unfolding story remains intense and stressful for all concerned.

In such stressful times, it's difficult to garner creative energies. It's not so much a matter of writer's block as preoccupation and lower energy levels. I can still sit down and write about other things, but it takes more energy, and my endurance is definitely affected. I can't concentrate for hours at a time as I generally do.

My situation is only unique in specific content. No matter how organized they are, anyone working on a longterm life story writing project is going to hit similar times. Perhaps it's a personal illness. Perhaps someone in the family has a health crisis requiring lots of time and attention. Perhaps things at work hit panic levels, or a love affair heads south.

During these times you are likely to have days when sitting down to write is simply more than you can face. What should you do? Back off! Be kind to yourself. Don't quit entirely, but keep your efforts simple. Jot a few notes. Go through your story ideas. Spend a few minutes editing an old story.

Make yourself a promise to get back to your schedule by a certain date. Write that date on your calendar. If the time comes and the situation hasn't eased, renegotiate. Yes, you'll lose momentum and fall behind schedule, but worse things have happened. Your stories come from your heart, and when your heart is elsewhere, your stories won't flow well. Take care of your heart first, and the stories will return.

Having written that, I've discovered anew that as long as I was thinking of you and writing this message for you, I have remained focused, and the words have flowed. Perhaps that's the key: My love and concern for you, my readers, is strong enough to overcome my preoccupation and restores my sense of joy in writing. My heart has reengaged with writing.

Give it a try. Think of those you love and focus on giving them the joy of reading your story. That joy will flow forth from some eternal well and uplift your spirit as well as theirs.

Write on,

Sharon Lippincott, aka Ritergal