Finding the Heart of My Story: From Vignettes to Memoir

In classes I teach and dozens of blog posts, I emphasize the value of writing piles of short, free-standing stories, even if students or readers plan a longer project. Today it is my pleasure to feature a guest post by Kathleen Pooler, author of Ever Faithful to His Lead. In this post, Kathleen explains her writing process, including a long list of resource links.

“Your sacred place is where you find yourself again and again.”
~Joseph Campbell

Writing a memoir goes beyond recording a series of life events. It’s about creating a larger story and in so doing developing meaning and connection; striking a universal chord through your unique story.

In order to get to that meaning and connection, a writer needs to find the heart of the story.

When I started writing my first memoir in 2009, I only knew that I was living a joyful life after spending twenty-five years finding freedom from two abusive marriages. I knew I had a story to tell, but I wasn’t sure of the real story—that glimpse of life truth that would have meaning and connection.

After three years of studying the art and craft of memoir writing and writing piles of vignettes, I was ready in 2012 to pull it together into a memoir. Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse was published in July,2014. I recently completed the first draft of my second memoir, The Edge of Hope: A Mother’s Journey Through her Son’s Addiction (working title) and am applying the same methods to shaping my story.

Basic Plan to Get Started

Here’s my basic plan on how I found the heart of my story over a two-year period in the pile of paper and words:

1. First and foremost, answer this question: What is my purpose in writing this story? For me, it was to share hope, that no matter how far down into the abyss you go, there’s always hope for a better life.

2. From this purpose, define your target audience and main message. A memoir can have several themes that I found revealed themselves through the writing.

3. Be able to state your main message in a 90-second elevator pitch.

4. Write a two-three page synopsis of your story, keeping the narrative arc in mind.

5. Plot your story on a storyboard or in a detailed outline. I used a story board.

Events leading up to using a storyboard:

Before I could even think of storyboarding, I had to write vignettes. After three years of collecting stories, I was ready to shape them into a narrative arc. A memoir needs to read like a novel and requires the tools of fiction to bring the story and the characters alive.

Plot
Opening Hook
Scenic details
Character Development
Dialogue
Point of View
Conflict, Suspense and Action
Theme

I also used creative exercises such as “The Tree of Me”

and drawing a mandala:

The following resources have provided a framework for my stories:

Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey 
Linda Joy Myers’ Narrative Arc/Turning Points 
The 22 Rules of Storytelling by Pixar- Once Upon a Time

If you google “story board”, you’ll find many resources. Here are a few that helped me decide what process to use:

W-Method by Mary Carroll-Moore (You Tube)
Storyboarding by Teresa Reasor 
6 Writing Outline Templates by Duolit @selfpublishingteam.com
Three-scene Storyboarding pdf by The Career-leaning CAFÉ

I used a mixture of storyboarding, outlining turning points and The Hero’s Journey to define my story structure.

What is a Story Board?

A story board is a way of brainstorming your story line (plot) so you can visualize a narrative arc with a beginning, middle and end. Within this arc will be scenes, turning points, forward movement of the story, plot points, climax, movement toward change and resolution.

How Did I Develop My Own Story Board?

Each person needs to find their own way through the process.

Since I’m a visual, hands-on person, I needed to see graphic images of what my story looked like. I started with a tri-folded cardboard poster, colored post-it notes and felt markers. I read through all my vignettes and wrote each chapter and the year on the yellow post-it stars. On the orange post-it stars, I wrote the purpose for each Act

and I rearranged it many times.

My story is divided into three acts (Pixar):

Act I: Opening Scene: The way things were…Once upon a time…
Act II Big Scene or Messy Middle…When things might change…then this happened…
Act III Following Scene…How things became different—until this happened and finally…

Of course, this is just the beginning. The real work begins with professional editing and rewriting until your story is polished and ready to launch.

Anything as important as your story is worth the effort it will take to write it right.

And the beauty of the writing process is that the heart of your story will begin to reveal itself in ever-deepening ways as you keep writing.

Starting with vignettes and fitting them into a story structure in a way that works for you will help you shape a story larger than you that will create meaning and connection.

And remember, your story matters. Keep writing and you’ll find the heart of your story.

How about you? What methods do you use to find the heart of your story? I’d love to hear what has worked for you and will be happy to answer any questions.

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Kathleen Pooler is an author and a retired Family Nurse Practitioner whose memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, published on July 28, 2014 and work-in-progress sequel, The Edge of Hope (working title) are about how the power of hope through her faith in God helped her to transform, heal and transcend life’s obstacles and disappointments:  domestic abuse, divorce, single parenting, loving and letting go of an alcoholic son, cancer and heart failure to live a life of joy and contentment. She believes that hope matters and that we are all strengthened and enlightened when we share our stories.

She lives with her husband Wayne in eastern New York and blogs weekly at Memoir Writer’s Journey blog: http://krpooler.com

Twitter @kathypooler  https://twitter.com/KathyPooler 
LinkedIn: Kathleen Pooler: https://www.linkedin.com/pub/kathleen-pooler/16/a95/20a 
Google+:Kathleen Pooler: https://plus.google.com/109860737182349547026/posts 
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4812560-kathleen-pooler 
Facebook:
Personal page, Kathy Pooler : https://www.facebook.com/kathleen.pooler 
Author page: Kathleen Pooler/Memoir Writer’s Journey: https://www.facebook.com/memoirwritersjourney 
Pinterest (http://www.pinterest.com/krpooler/)

Writing Groups

I’m a firm believer in the power of writing groups. Perhaps I indirectly learned their power from my participation in Toastmasters, Int’l many years ago. Toastmasters is based on the concept that peers can use basic training materials to mentor each other as they develop their ability to communicate in groups. In retrospect I realize I received a heap of benefits from my Toastmasters experience:

A continuing audience. My fellow club members listened to me time after time, which enabled them to track my progress in a meaningful way and provide helpful feedback.

Action deadlines. Speakers must perform, and need audiences. Writers can write in solitude, but the commitment to share with a  group is powerfully motivating.

Structure. In the beginning, the Toastmasters manuals provided guidance through initial steps of learning to organize and deliver short speeches. Writing groups that begin with classes also offer this advantage. Over time I moved beyond the manuals, but still benefited from the structure of a group that regularly held well-planned and organized meetings.

New friends. This proved to be a fringe benefit I had not expected. Members of Toastmasters clubs tend to become well-acquainted and close friendships often develop. The same is true, perhaps even more so, in writing groups especially life writing groups.

Group effort. Learning to communicate in groups is not something you can do alone. It takes a group. Toastmasters fills that need.

Not all writing groups are equally successful. I’ve belonged to a few that fizzled. One was a general writing group that met at a Barnes & Noble store many years ago. The group had no formal leader and completely dissolved when a scary person began attending. Another was begun by a person with personality quirks that send new members fleeing. A third was formed by several mature women who saw writing as a career enhancement tool. All became too busy to continue.

The groups that have been the  most rewarding and helpful have been life writing groups. All the ones I’m currently involved with spun off from classes I began teaching with the specific intention of keeping myself writing. Members of these groups have grown to feel like family. Each of these groups provides the same benefits as a Toastmasters club: a group of people who regularly read each other’s work, provide feedback and monitor progress, deadlines for writing, a certain amount of structure (especially in the preliminary classes), group effort and new friends.

I especially stress that last factor. There is something about sharing stories from our lives that opens hearts and bonds people. There’s another advantage to hearing other people’s stories: new story ideas flow thick and heavy, nurturing creativity and expanding the reach of personal memory.

As members move on to other areas, new groups are beginning to form. To encourage the development of more groups all over the country and the world, I’m planning to showcase a few groups I know of. If you belong to a group and would like to have it featured, please send me an e-mail.  If you’d like to start a group, stay tuned. Guidelines for starting and maintaining a thriving group will be forthcoming.

Write now: write an essay about your experience with writing groups or other support groups. If you belong to a group, write about the people in it and your experiences. How do you feel about the group? What would you change? How has it helped you? If you don’t belong to a group and would like to, make plans to find one or start one.

Photo credit: James Mitchell

Searing Memories

Photo: Aaron Wagner

We all have them, those memories that are so vivid they blaze in our memories forever. We remember exactly where we were, what we were wearing, the time of day, and all the details — although we may not remember the specific date.

One of my searing memories takes me back to one wintry Saturday in eighth grade. The phone rang about eleven in the morning. It was a boy — calling me! History was made that day. I’ll save the details for my memoir, and tell you only that it was the hottest guy in our class, asking me to meet him at the ice rink that afternoon. No! This was too good to be true. Besides, my parents wouldn’t let me date until I was sixteen. Besides, he sounded just like my best girl friend, who had a rather husky voice, and I kept trying to get “her” to admit who she was.

When I called her immediately after hanging up, she assured me she hadn’t called. I believed her. The voice didn’t sound quite the same. When I got back to school on Monday, I was apparently invisible to Hunky Dude. Just as before, he never looked my way, even though our lockers were near each other. Had it really been him? Or was someone pulling my leg?

I’ll never know for sure, but I do know that I felt good about the way I played the game. I had a strong gut feeling that if it had been him, I was being set up for some awful humiliation at the rink. I can only guess what that might have been, but I didn’t need it and was blessedly spared. I felt strong and capable of taking care of myself. This searing memory is a turning point in my relationships with boys. The concept of actually having a boyfriend turned from the theoretical into the possible that day, even though I suspected it would be a good long while before anything tangible came along.

Searing memories, defining moments, turning points. In The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing I refer to them as watershed memories. It doesn’t matter what you call them, they are mileposts along our journey through life. We all have them. Some are joyful and mark advances. Some are traumatic, some may be quietly profound. All are significant and provide strong pillars for organizing related memories as you develop stories.

Taking time to list your watershed memories and arrange them along a timeline will  pay enormous dividends are you organize your life story or memoir, whether you are just beginning to write, or grappling with final organization.

Write now: review your list of watershed or turning point memories if you have one, and make an inventory of stories that remain to be written. If you don’t have a list, start one. Add to it as more occur to you. 

Photo Credit: Simon Harriyott

New Year's Resolutions Don't Have to Be a Joke

Are you one of the majority of readers who will be making New Year's resolutions in the next day or two? Perhaps some of those will include resolutions about writing. Maybe you'll resolve to journal every day. Maybe you'll resolve to complete a memoir, or write a story a week. Whatever your resolutions, here's a tip to help make them bear fruit:

Commit to it publicly and create a time-linked Action Plan to go with each step. I am resolving to complete my Los Alamos Years memoir by January 1, 2011. Here is the Action Plan I just knocked out in about ten minutes I've had a lot of practice writing Action Plans, and I've completed several book projects, so I could do it faster. Perhaps mine will give you an idea what to include in your own.

Sharon's Action Plan for The Los Alamos Years

1-1-2010	Write a draft overview of the story.
1-14-2010.	Define purpose and audience
	Write philosophy of story. What message do I plan to convey?
	Break overall story into segments — these will probably become chapters.
	Survey all the vignettes I’ve already written and select which to include.
	Sort vignettes and align with segments.
3-1-2010	Determine what additional stories need to be included.
	Select photos for inclusion
	Write drafts of each chapter (add additional level to this action step when structure is defined).
	Develop scenes.
	Polish description, dialogue and detail.
10-1-2010	Send draft around to three or four trusted people for proofing and editing.
11-15-2010	Incorporate feedback from beta readers.
	Insert photos and other graphics.
	Finalize Title.
	Format for printing.
	Convert to PDF.
12-7- 2010	Create Cover.
12-15-2010	Upload to (CreateSpace) for PDF and eBook distribution.

Notice that I did not put dates on every single step. Some of these will be done "out of order." Some dates may slip and some may be met early. I'll print my table and put it -- somewhere here where I can see it even with the clutter that tends to build up around my desk -- so I can see it often and be reminded of my commitment. The table will grow as I refine the plan.

By the way, this is not a totally new project idea for me. I've been nibbling at it, dancing around it, for two or three years, and writing vignettes for nearly a dozen. I'm not starting from scratch. But I don't think it would matter. The steps remain the same, and will look familiar to anyone who has seen the Planning Diagrams in the first chapter of my book.

Write now: write a resolution of your own. It may be as simple as writing a single vignette, or journaling every day for a week. But take the time to put it in writing and create an Action Plan, however simple.